A family member just joined VFF.

Much to my disappointment, a family member joined Veterans For Freedom recently. Now, I don't dislike them; I just disagree with them. I have problems with people who "support the mission" in Iraq because just like the lies legitimate, real reasons for the invasion, the mission over there is so muddled that you can't exactly pin it down. What, exactly, are you supporting when you "support the mission?" I don't know, either, but VFF is pretty solidly behind it.

This family member isn't a veteran. Veterans For Freedom doesn't care. Their web site says that they are "the largest Iraq and Afghanistan veterans organization in America." That's impressive until you check out the membership signup page and see "Non veterans can also be members of Vets for Freedom." It turns out that they accept four different types of members: Iraq/Afghanistan vets, Family members of Iraq/Afghanistan vets and veterans from other conflicts. What's the fourth category? "A patriotic American who suports the US mission in Iraq or Afghanistan."

That's my family member, right there in that last group. He's never served and wouldn't last a day in the military. He's fit enough, but he sucks at obeying commands. He just kind of coasts through life doing whatever the hell he feels like doing and won't make anything of himself. I don't judge him harshly for it, though, because it's just his nature. He's only four years old, which explains a lot. Oh, and he's a Yellow Lab, too, which explains even more. That's right- "the largest Iraq and Afghanistan veterans organization in America" got that way because dogs can join.

I said I was disappointed, but I understand where he's coming from. I've heard the argument that we have to fight them over there to ensure freedom back here. I always thought that was a crock of shit until I realized exactly how true it was for my dog. When I got home from Iraq I arranged for this little guy to be released from his illegal detention at the hands of the Humne Society. It only makes sense that he'd want us to keep sending soldiers over there until every last dog in this country is adopted. He's still upset with me for getting out of the Army when I was only 32- he figures that I still had a few tours left in me and would have rescued that many more dogs. I can even understand why he's in favor of imposing western values on the Iraqi people: he's heard how they feel about dogs and he's not pleased.

My dog's patriotism can't be questioned- he shows his love for our country as enthusiastically as only a Lab can (his favorite parts tend to be lakes). So there's my Lab: "A patriotic American who suports the US mission in Iraq or Afghanistan," and member, Veterans For Freedom. Unfortuantely, he's horribly disillusioned. Depressed. A sick puppy, if you will. After VFF emailed him his password to their website (I had to set up an email address for him) I logged him in to his "personal Action Center." They only wanted three things from him: money, recruiting his friends to join VFF, and giving them all the email addresses he knows. Now there's a group to be proud of being in. They value their members like... a spammer values the addresses he finds on the web. My poor dog is screwed; he's got no money, none of his friends hate Iraqis and he doesn't know anyone else's email address. Veterans For Freedom has no use for this young, strong, clear headed, right-thinking, loyal, strong swimming American male.

On a related note, a few days ago I told some people online that my dog had joined Veterans For Freedom. Last night I let my dogs out into the yard, then I ran over to my computer and logged in to my Lab's account. I wanted to cut and paste a quote or two. After a couple attempts I realized that there was a problem. Veterans For Freedom had deleted my dog.

That was actually a surprise to me: Veterans For Freedom hates puppies. I knew they were a bit off kilter, being in favor of this stupid war and all. As if this undefined "mission" existed in some sort of reality or something. As if this war had an organized enemy that we could target. Or there were a goal or something- other than profits for Halliburton and the Carlyle Group. As if our dead had died for something that had any bearing on their Oath Of Enlistment. Even so, I never suspected that they hated puppies.

I still don't know how I'm going to tell my dog that Veterans For Freedom not only has no use for him, but they hate him and deleted his membership without even bothering to tell him. I got him a gmail address and now I have to figure out how to delete it. That'll be easy compared to telling a Labrador Retriever that 13,000 people who happen to know Iraq or Afghanistan veterans (or people who are patriotic and happen to feel somewhat affected by the occupation) hate him.

Veterans For Freedom Hates puppies. Do you know how hard it is to depress a Labrador Retriever? Those guys have managed to pull it off.