A family member just joined VFF.

Much to my disappointment, a family member joined Veterans For Freedom recently. Now, I don't dislike them; I just disagree with them. I have problems with people who "support the mission" in Iraq because just like the lies legitimate, real reasons for the invasion, the mission over there is so muddled that you can't exactly pin it down. What, exactly, are you supporting when you "support the mission?" I don't know, either, but VFF is pretty solidly behind it.

This family member isn't a veteran. Veterans For Freedom doesn't care. Their web site says that they are "the largest Iraq and Afghanistan veterans organization in America." That's impressive until you check out the membership signup page and see "Non veterans can also be members of Vets for Freedom." It turns out that they accept four different types of members: Iraq/Afghanistan vets, Family members of Iraq/Afghanistan vets and veterans from other conflicts. What's the fourth category? "A patriotic American who suports the US mission in Iraq or Afghanistan."

That's my family member, right there in that last group. He's never served and wouldn't last a day in the military. He's fit enough, but he sucks at obeying commands. He just kind of coasts through life doing whatever the hell he feels like doing and won't make anything of himself. I don't judge him harshly for it, though, because it's just his nature. He's only four years old, which explains a lot. Oh, and he's a Yellow Lab, too, which explains even more. That's right- "the largest Iraq and Afghanistan veterans organization in America" got that way because dogs can join.

I said I was disappointed, but I understand where he's coming from. I've heard the argument that we have to fight them over there to ensure freedom back here. I always thought that was a crock of shit until I realized exactly how true it was for my dog. When I got home from Iraq I arranged for this little guy to be released from his illegal detention at the hands of the Humne Society. It only makes sense that he'd want us to keep sending soldiers over there until every last dog in this country is adopted. He's still upset with me for getting out of the Army when I was only 32- he figures that I still had a few tours left in me and would have rescued that many more dogs. I can even understand why he's in favor of imposing western values on the Iraqi people: he's heard how they feel about dogs and he's not pleased.

My dog's patriotism can't be questioned- he shows his love for our country as enthusiastically as only a Lab can (his favorite parts tend to be lakes). So there's my Lab: "A patriotic American who suports the US mission in Iraq or Afghanistan," and member, Veterans For Freedom. Unfortuantely, he's horribly disillusioned. Depressed. A sick puppy, if you will. After VFF emailed him his password to their website (I had to set up an email address for him) I logged him in to his "personal Action Center." They only wanted three things from him: money, recruiting his friends to join VFF, and giving them all the email addresses he knows. Now there's a group to be proud of being in. They value their members like... a spammer values the addresses he finds on the web. My poor dog is screwed; he's got no money, none of his friends hate Iraqis and he doesn't know anyone else's email address. Veterans For Freedom has no use for this young, strong, clear headed, right-thinking, loyal, strong swimming American male.

On a related note, a few days ago I told some people online that my dog had joined Veterans For Freedom. Last night I let my dogs out into the yard, then I ran over to my computer and logged in to my Lab's account. I wanted to cut and paste a quote or two. After a couple attempts I realized that there was a problem. Veterans For Freedom had deleted my dog.

That was actually a surprise to me: Veterans For Freedom hates puppies. I knew they were a bit off kilter, being in favor of this stupid war and all. As if this undefined "mission" existed in some sort of reality or something. As if this war had an organized enemy that we could target. Or there were a goal or something- other than profits for Halliburton and the Carlyle Group. As if our dead had died for something that had any bearing on their Oath Of Enlistment. Even so, I never suspected that they hated puppies.

I still don't know how I'm going to tell my dog that Veterans For Freedom not only has no use for him, but they hate him and deleted his membership without even bothering to tell him. I got him a gmail address and now I have to figure out how to delete it. That'll be easy compared to telling a Labrador Retriever that 13,000 people who happen to know Iraq or Afghanistan veterans (or people who are patriotic and happen to feel somewhat affected by the occupation) hate him.

Veterans For Freedom Hates puppies. Do you know how hard it is to depress a Labrador Retriever? Those guys have managed to pull it off.

Reflecting at Winter Soldier

Winter Soldier was a painful week for me. Now, I've never been ashamed of anything that I did in Iraq. I wasn't happy with some of it, but I wasn't ashamed of it; I did the best that I could in the situations that I got dropped into. There are times that I still feel dirty about, but occupying a country is a dirty job and a lot of times there's no good way to do it. I spent a lot of time thinking about those things when I was in Iraq, but generally it was kind of an AAR because those kooky Iraqis came up with some really odd ways of behaving. You couldn't predict much.

An AAR is a very focused way of looking back and it's great for helping you prepare to deal with similar situations in the future. But it's not reflecting. I never actually looked at what I had done through anything but the narrow lens of a soldier in an occupied land and an NCO with a mission to perform and soldiers' lives at stake. Then I went to Winter Soldier.

Three years after I got home and settled back into civilian life, I finally looked at my time in Iraq from a perspective that didn't have to get out there tomorrow to do it all over again. I was sitting in the hearing room watching other veterans tell their stories of pain, for the first time feeling my own. I don't regret anything I did, but that doesn't mean that it was good.

I was an emotional wreck while I was at Winter Soldier and for a couple of days afterward. I drank way too much and cried a lot. Sure it hurt, but it was a good hurt and it was something that I didn't even know that I needed to do. I just wonder if it would have been easier if I had gone through it a few years ago.

It's a great system the military's got for mental health- nobody needs to sit down and talk with somebody about what they've seen and done unless they check off "I'm going to kill myself and/or my wife" on a questionnaire as part of redeployment. Of course, from what I read they aren't going to actually get any treatment even if they do check it off. But everyone supports the troops, right?

Iraq: An Occupation Is Forever.

The Iraq Fifth Anniversary Pendant.
Tell her you'd invade all over again.

So now my cousin is over there.

This is pathetic. Four years ago I was in Iraq. Three years ago I was home and cheerfully awaiting my ETS. Two years ago I was a civilian- and my kid cousin graduated from West Point. A year ago he was doing junior officer training crap. This week, as an infantry platoon leader he got to Kuwait. He'll be in Iraq later this month.

What gets me is that nothing's really different in Iraq for my cousin's (first?) deployment than it was during mine. Sure, we had brown camouflage- and green, for that matter, while they have those ACUs now. We had bolt-on armor kits for our rickety humvees and today they have strykers and MRAPs. The Mahdi Army was a declared hostile force when I was there, and we're only "supporting" grossly ineffective Iraqi operations against them today.

I've been home for three years and nothing's any different. Now I've got to wait to hear that my cousin got blown up- on the same roads that I sweated IEDs on. Man, this sucks.

IVAW- easy to hate, hard to join.

Iraq Veterans Against the War generates a lot of hatred. Why is that? For people who think the war is just dandy, it's an easy group to hate. Even for Iraq veterans who are against the war, it's a hard group to join.

I've been against the war since the summer of '02, when the media, in its best "wag the dog" form, started screaming about the need for a war with Iraq. I had also been in the Army since the other Bush administration- the one where Dick Cheney was a smart man who saw Iraq as "inherently unstable" and knew that an American occupation would "get bogged down in the quagmire." Like any good soldier, I could focus on a mission and give it everything I had. Like any good NCO, I could see my unit's performance of its mission as being more important than the actual utility of the mission. I had spent a lot of time operating in Cortinia, and even some time in Midland. Doing stupid crap in Iraq didn't take much of a mental leap. My unit was together and the stupid things we were doing were at least for real.

I didn't hear about IVAW when it was founded because I was busy in Iraq. The day after I got home for good, though, I found their website. Yes, on my down day after our "welcome home" and before our outprocessing from active duty, I spent time looking for a group of vets that was against the war; that's how important it was to me. I quickly came across ivaw.org and it was like Christmas. I'm an Iraq vet and I'm against the war. What more could you want? It turns out, a lot. First, I wasn't behind all three "points of unity." Then I spent time reading through their members' profiles and they drove me away. Second, I disagree with conscientious objectors. I don't dislike or disrespect them, I just disagree with the premise. Third, I disagree with deserters, but not as much. Fourth, I don't have sympathy for people who feel their recruiters weren't completely forthright.

I was badly disappointed. In a country of such cultural and political diversity, I was only able to find VFP and IVAW. I wasn't looking for VFP, I was looking for vets that were specifically against what we had done and were doing in Iraq. That left me with IVAW, a bunch of freaks with unreasonable demands. So I did nothing. I couldn't agree with or bring myself to associate with IVAW, so I just got on with my life. My ETS hit later that year and I voted with my feet. That was the only thing that I did to "oppose" the war.

Almost a year after I got out, I met an IVAW member. I was excited to see that there was such a group (I was so disappointed from the first time I found them that I had put it completely out of my memory), but was surprised when his first question to me was "why are you against the war?" I wasn't expecting to be challenged or anything. He told me about the problems that IVAW had had with a guy named MacBeth. They now required a 214 to join, so I couldn't join on the spot. I took a membership application and filled it out, then that night I dug out a copy of my 214 and was all set to mail it on Monday. Then I went online to learn more about them and said "oh, it's those guys." My memory of them from a year and a half earlier came back- so I put my 214 back in the files and tossed the application in with the recycling.

Another year later I ran into a group of them. I introduced myself and explained my issues with IVAW. They set me straight. These weren't the freaks I remembered seeing online, these were real soldiers and marines that I could relate to and respect. They were smart, dedicated troops who saw the problems with what we were doing and wanted to stop it. I was home. I wasn't fully in agreement with all 3 points of unity, but I was on board enough that I could become a member.

So what's this about 3 points of unity? There are so many reasons to be against what's going on in Iraq that it doesn't make sense to list them- it would be an incomplete list. Look at any antiwar rally- circuses seem to have tighter messages, and that's the problem with trying to keep IVAW on track: focus. To avoid being dragged into every debate on every topic that people don't like about the government, they came up with 3 points of unity:
* Immediate withdrawal of all occupying forces in Iraq.
* Reparations for the human and structural damages Iraq has suffered, and stopping the corporate pillaging of Iraq so that their people can control their own lives and future.
* Full benefits, adequate healthcare (including mental health), and other supports for returning servicemen and women.

Those are what IVAW is aiming for. They're not out for impeachment, they're not looking for changes in Congress, they're not trying to legalize hemp or ban genetic research. They want us out of Iraq and for us to take care of our broken veterans and help the Iraqis. Those are issues today's soldiers and veterans can get behind, no matter what their political beliefs.

Let's look at the 3 points in reverse order. Who isn't in favor of veterans' healthcare? There isn't much that's more despicable than maiming kids in combat and then refusing them the best treatment possible. I'm for it. Reparations are also great. Remember the "Pottery Barn rule?" That's a great idea. The point that I took issue with was the first- immediate, total withdrawal. No, I'm not one of those idiots who calls it surrender, I just see it as covered by the Pottery Barn rule. We destroyed Iraq, and we have a moral obligation to rebuild it. Pulling out would be to abandon our responsibility there. After a lot of thought, I ended up agreeing with that point shortly after I joined IVAW (and no, I wasn't coached, I just spent a lot of time thinking about it). In short, we're the invaders. We're the occupiers. Foreign forces are probably the best solution to Iraq's immediate security concerns, but Americans aren't- we're the ones who caused this whole mess. We still have the obligation to Iraq, but the simple fact of the American flag on our soldiers' sleeves disqualifies our soldiers from being able to fix it. If Iraq's security problem were a tactical one, we'd have solved it a long time ago. It's not a tactical problem, though- it's a social problem and American rifles and armored vehicles can't solve that.

So now I'm an IVAW member. I joined because I love my country, I love the Army and I'm dead set against the war. It's bad for the country and destroying the military- but it took two and a half years after I got home from Iraq before I was able to bring myself to join. When I was over there my chain of command knew exactly what I thought about what was going on. I wasn't shy about it and certainly wasn't quiet. So why did it take me so long to join IVAW even though it was obvious that it was where I belonged? On some levels, it felt wrong. I didn't feel like I was betraying the military, and I've never believed that protesters make the troops feel bad, but it still felt wrong. IVAW's leadership had thought things through and arrived at a conclusion that I hadn't yet gotten to myself; that we just plain have to get out of Iraq. Take that, add all the hype that we've been getting fed for almost six years now and standing with IVAW can be a little hard to stomach.

For military types who aren't against the war, IVAW's call for withdrawal is even more uncomfortable. With the kind of focus that the military requires, it's hard to have conflicting conclusions thrown at you and it's easy to simply redouble your focus and drive on even harder. It's easy to ignore civilian protesters, but when it comes from the troops themselves it can't be ignored. It makes sense to take all of your anger and frustration at what's going on and aim it at the group that's pointing out the problems and contradictions, but the problem with that is that IVAW didn't create the problems of the war. Iraq won't go smoothly if IVAW simply goes away. Iraq won't go smoothly if the U.S. simply goes away, either, but Iraq won't have a chance to start down that path until the U.S. is out of the mix. Name calling isn't going to change that. I understand, though. I started out painfully close to IVAW's position and wanted to join, but for the longest time I couldn't. If you're farther away from IVAW than I was, hatred is the response that makes sense.